I’m going to attempt to resurrect this blog in the near future. In the meantime, here’s a song that’s stuck in my head:
I can’t fully express how much the first part of this song resonates with me right now:
He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
There has been a lot of debate of late regarding Rob Bell, particularly his new book. Anyway, I thought I’d share one of my favorite Rob Bell vids:
How much do you want to bet that they won’t play this song on the Klove radio network?
I recently commented on how elusive life-long monogamy appears to be within the gay community. However, It’s not impossible. I’m saying this based, in part, on a discussion I had last week with Darren (D.J.). After reading about his recent marriage, I decided to see if he would share his insights on gay monogamy. His experience demonstrates that life-long commitment (including sexual exclusivity) is a very important component of at least some gay relationships. Well, without further ado, here’s Darren:
i think the heart of your question is really about how possible it would be for you (or anyone) to find a satisfying, monogamous, life-long relationship with someone. and from there, all i can talk about is my own experience, and touch on the experiences of people that i know. my partner and i ARE monogamous. part of that is psychological perhaps (i’m the jealous type, and just couldn’t bare to share my lover w/ anyone else). but even that’s probably largely influenced by my orthodox Christians background and doctrine regarding sexual intimacy.
what’s more, of all the gay people that i know of, probably only about 5% are super promiscuous, and if they actually did end up in relationships, would probably be ok being in an open one. however, i don’t KNOW of any of our gay coupled friends who are ok w/ open relationships. i say i don’t “KNOW” because a few of our friends we don’t know well enough to even be able to say – but i’d be quite surprised to find out that they were into that sort of swinging lifestyle. but of the couples we DO know well (and i’d say that’s probably about 10 solid couples) – none are IN open relationships (even though in one of the couples, one partner is actually bi, and he’d be ok w/ an open relationship, but the other partner is gay and absolutely refuses to go there).
so all that to say, i hope and pray that as you journey and life and figure out how to best live according to God’s principle’s, that you know that there ARE gay, Christian couples out there who hold to an orthodox, Christian ethic regarding sexual purity (well, except for the whole gay part 🙂 ). and there ARE yet more couples out there who believe in and pursue monogamous relationship, even though they don’t see any Scriptural prohibitions towards sex before marriage – but are monogamous in their relationships nonetheless. obviously, these 2 groups are in line with what we see in straight, Christian circles as well (i.e., some believe that sex before marriage is prohibited, and others do not, but they’re all agreed that once married, monogamy is what’s Biblically encouraged).
i simply love my partner. so, so much! and it’s not like i don’t find other men attractive. it’s not like i think i’ll never be tempted. but i love him too much to ever be OK w/ cheating on him, or opening our beautiful, intimate love to someone else.
Rachel Held Evans has a great blog that I visit frequently. (She also wrote a fantastic book, Evolving in Monkey Town, that is definitely a worthwhile read) Here is a post that, at least in part, describes where I’m at with Christianity. One way in which Rachel and I differ, however, is that she seems relatively comfortable with Christianity as a whole, whereas I’m relatively skeptical of Christianity as a whole.
Since as young as I can remember, I’ve always had the desire to be in a special relationship. Special because the relationship I envisioned was exclusive. Special because the relationship was long-term. Special because the relationship was intimate. Special because the relationship had a sexual element.
Fantasies about that relationship were one of my secret pleasures as a child. These fantasies were also “abnormal” for a boy, because my partner in that special relationship was invariably a boy.
If these fantasies had involved a girl, they would have been filled with potential. But they involved a boy, so they were filled with false hope.
I’ve come to realize something. Even if I completely reject my Christian religion with its prohibitions on same-sex relationships, the chances of finding this special relationship seem slim or nonexistent.
I once thought that gay indviduals in monogamous relationships were truly monogamous. Recently I found out that a large number of “monogamous” gay relationships are actually open relationships. In fact, it seems that it’s rather difficult to find gay males who are interested in a truly monogamous, lifelong relationship.
I’m not sure why this is the case. Is it just because males are generally more promiscuous? Is it due to the nature of same sex relationships? Or am I mistaken about the rarity of truly monogamous gay relationships?
Whatever the reason, this revelation regarding the nature of gay relationships is saddening for me. Although, in the short term, having sex with multiple hot guys seems somewhat appealing, I couldn’t live that way. I want commitment and exclusivity. I want a relationship that is more stable than immediate sexual desires/attractions.
Maybe religion isn’t the only barrier to the realization of my childhood fantasies. Maybe that special relationship only exists in fantasies.